Confused and Complicated

I talked to that boy I hooked up with yesterday. I asked him why he let it happen. He said because the feelings he has had since last year never went away. Then he asked me why I let it happen. I told him the same reason he did. And it was completely true. He has always been the one person I think about and the one person I want to be around. He said that if he didn't have a girlfriend, he would have kissed me earlier. All I wanted was for him to kiss me. He also said he did it because we never got the chance to kiss before and wanted to know what it was like to be with me. It made me feel kinda used and like he had nothing better to do that night. Then I asked what happens next and he told me we probably couldn't do it again until he breaks up with her but he wanted to. When I asked him if he had regrets or felt uncomfortable, he told me no and he was great but I think he is just happy he got some. With him, if he doesn't understand something then it is not okay. He can't just go with the flow; he has to know the exact explanation of everything. So when I kinda mentioned I also still like him, he was so confused. He was like you're gay! You can't like guys! We never ended up together a year ago because you like girls! And I just need him to understand that I don't understand either. And that it is okay! The unknown is one of the parts of life. You just do what you have to do and let it be. But I doubt he would ever understand that concept. I'm tired of labels and over thinking everything that happens and why it happens. That might be the biggest problem of my depression. I need to take a break and just do what I want because I can. I don't have the answers. I'm tired of being questioned about everything I do, when the only reason I did it is because I felt like it. Why does it have to be anymore complicated than that?
"I'll settle for a slowdown."