I can already tell that this whole therapy situation isn't going to work out. Ive done it before and Im not in the mood to start it all over again. But my mom thinks she is making a difference and being a good mother. So I'll let her feel better about the situation. I have not talked to my friends in literally a month. And they could honestly care less. That breaks my heart. I never realized how much they didn't care about me and the hell i was going through. After i stopped talking to my friends I randomly started hanging out with this girl. And she is my rock. She already knows everything there is to know about me and still cares. And she actual cares. And she tells me it everyday. And makes me promise not to cut. And maybe that was all i ever needed. A reason not to die. But yet, it doesn't feel convincing enough. Im afraid that if i lose her i will literally have no one and then i will definitely go insane. The amount of people I actually rely on and make me feel happy is so limited. And that will be the end of me. Sometimes, well all the time, i feel like there is only a tiny piece of me left. And once i lose that i will be a ticking time bomb. Waiting and waiting to die. Well when this girl canceled our plans for this weekend, I got really upset. And that scared me alot. I don't want to be reliant on her but i don't have anything else. So what else am I supposed to do? I really am trying to not get too attached. I like her so much though. I want to get from this. And i want to get away from all that i am.
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