3 months ago, when I pulled away from you guys, it was only because I needed you all to prove you loved me, and that we were in this together. I need to feel like I meant something. I was falling and falling and I couldn't get back up. You all knew what was going on, so there was no excuse. I was angry. And I stayed angry for a really long time. But then I was too sad to be angry anymore and it faded away. I didn't talk to anyone for months. And no one questioned it. You all just sat back and watched me suffer. For months I was all alone. I hit rock bottom, and there wasn't a single person in this world I could talk to. Not one fucking person. But it didn't even cross your minds. Ill probably never forgive you for that. You never once thought how I was doing or if I needed help still. You just thought about yourselves and your dumb high school drama and your outfits and boyfriends; while I was trying my best not to kill myself every fucking day. Maybe I sound selfish here. But I was the opposite of that. I thought about you guys, my best friends, everyday. Once I had given up hope for life, something amazing happened. I started spending my time with that girl I was friends with, the one who had some issues and focused on school a lot. One day, out of the blue, we decided to hang out. And for some reason, we had that most amazing chemistry and I told her everything. Like about how you all left me in my darkest hour. And she understood..., and cared. She just felt like me, a better me. Of course, things didn't get better then. No. Fighting my demons was a long process. We started going to youth together. I'm not completely sure what I believe but it was nice to think that there was something to believe in. I assume she was the one who mentioned to my mom that I need help and so I started going to therapy. Knowing that 3 people cared about me and my problems was enough to help me relax. I got this blog so I could vent my feeling and not have to worry about it. And slowly I started fighting this and trying to get better. That's where I am today. Happy enough to try talking to you all again. I understand you didn't know what to do with my situation. Most people wouldn't. But you knew I needed love and support, which was the last thing you gave me. So next time you get the opportunity to save someone, try as hard as you fucking can. You never know what difference it could make.
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